I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
