Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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