She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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