Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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