Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
