Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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