I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
