I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Houston, we have a blender
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
