if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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