I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
