Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize