I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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