I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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