I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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