Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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