need another drink. this is the easiest way
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
