Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
