you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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