I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
