You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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