I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
