He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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