Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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