I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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