there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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