I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
