Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
