How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
