what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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