TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just found puke in my bra..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
