i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
