In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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