You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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