your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
