i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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