he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
