Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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