I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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