In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
