the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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