lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
