I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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