Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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