I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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