So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
