We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
