Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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