hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
