I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
