If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Panties = found
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