apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
