I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
