he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
