Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
