Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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