Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
