the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
