I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
