I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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