hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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