so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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