idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
