Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
