the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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