there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
