Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
