dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
