Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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