Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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