i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
