ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
