she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
