Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's never too late to be topless.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
